


Lost Causes

by CourtneySupertramp



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-15
Updated: 2015-10-15
Packaged: 2018-04-26 11:27:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5003005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CourtneySupertramp/pseuds/CourtneySupertramp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of drabbles between my Inquisitor Fenin'lin Lavellan and her companions (namely Oswin Lavellan, an OC Lavellan I placed in her universe) throughout the timeline of the inquisition. It will be in chronological order and will cover big events and some small situations that I feel should've happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost Causes

The story of Oswin’s first night in Haven was a pretty funny one.

Or at least, Oz thought it was funny, now, anyway.

It was a particularly cold night in Haven, and Fen hated the cold. It woke her from a dead sleep to assault her from under the blankets. There was no escape, save that which she could find in her fur lined armor and a warm drink. Thus, with a glare-that-could-kill out the window, she was finally coaxed out of bed. She should’ve known by the way the snow sunk through her boots that this was going to be a shitty night. 

Throwing open the door to the tavern with a little more force than necessary, she made her way to the usual table. It was late in the night, and to her surprise, Solas was awake as well and sitting at her table. It was unusual, considering Solas was the heaviest sleeper in the group, but she wasn’t about to complain for a moment alone with him. His spirits seemed much the same as hers before she sat down and his face shifted to a more amiable one.

“Good evening lethallan. You had a hard time sleeping as well?” he asked.

She was sorely tempted to flick her tea at him; _manners_ she reminded herself.

“Mmhmm, I am certainly not awake for the delightful atmosphere of the bar” Fen answered sipping at her tea.

“Bad dreams?” Solas asked. 

She couldn’t help but smile at his question. It was always so amusing how curious he seemed about her. It wasn’t like she blamed him, she hadn’t been particularly forthcoming about her life before the Inquisition; though she noted, neither was he. Still, his presence had already begun to brighten her cloudy disposition so she figured he deserved a little insight. 

“Actually, it was the cold that woke me. I’ve never been in a winter this harsh before” She said, and as if to prove her point her body gave an involuntary shiver. “Why are you awake so late? Bad Dreams?” Fen asked in a teasing tone.

Solas chuckled before setting his fork down to answer, making Fen realize she had been watching him eat this whole time. It was starting to become a bad habit for her, watching his mouth move. As he spoke, as he ate, no matter what they were doing – it never seized to capture her attention. It was lucky the cold had already rosied her cheeks or else the blush that came would’ve given her away.  


They spent a good portion of the night together, exchanging stories about dreams and the fade. His dream had been one of the most interesting she’d heard in a long time, and she was suddenly jealous that he could so easily experience such vivacity in the fade. She’d never had a chance to speak with another mage about these sorts of things. If she was being honest, she wasn’t sure she’d ever gotten him to talk this much. Since she got here she’d noticed he’d only speak when needed, or when a clever reply to one of Varric’s one liners was called for. Fen never questioned it, she was used to being looked over. Which was why this, was so thrilling for her. If she had realized earlier that all it took was a quick mention of the fade to get Solas to talk this much, she would’ve done it much sooner. Fen was just beginning to lose herself in the soft honey-like quality in his voice, and could feel the soothing tendrils of sleep reaching out to her again when it happened.

A messenger came into the tavern looking particularly frazzled, Fen only have him a passing glance – eager to get back to her conversation. Though it didn’t last long before he huffed his way over to their table.

“My lady herald, may I speak with you for a moment?” The messenger asked; eyeing Solas as if to clarify he meant _alone._

Solas cleared his throat and shifted to stand up when Fen put her hand on his arm, stopping him. She turned back to the messenger

“Whatever you need to say, I assure you, Solas can hear” Fen said, relishing the look of surprise on Solas’s face. 

Oh yes, she was better at this that she thought. Solas sat back down and folded his hands; looking up at the messenger expectantly. When Fen followed suit the messenger looked back and forth between the two before sighing and giving in.

“My herald, there is a man here. An elf. He says that he’s looking for you, He says he knows you but…something seems off about him.” The man said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “I – well I was hoping he’d give a name but, he can’t seem to recall it. Though he does have tattoos like you!” He coughed “You know, the face ones.”

That got Fen’s attention. She stood and put a hand on the messenger’s shoulder. Trying to hide the panic in her eyes she nodded for him to lead her. When she heard another pair of footsteps beside her she didn’t fight the smile that came when she realized Solas was coming as well. _Good_ , she thought, she wanted him to feel included. Fen knows how gross it feels to be an outsider.  


As they made their way out to the courtyard and she saw the visitor she knew who it was before they got within 50 paces of him. His tan skin and dark hair stood out in the snow; even at night. The joy she felt at his presence was short lived as she watched the way he swayed about like he had been drinking. The words of the messenger came back to her then – “he can’t seem to recall it”  
How could Oswin forget his own name?  
When she approached him the guards that had been watching reflexively put their hands to their swords before Fen shot them a look that immediately disarmed them. She’d feel guilty for it later, but the thought of them aiming their weapons at Oz made her furious. Taking a step closer and reaching out a hand to steady Oz, and stop the swaying, she ducked under his lowered head to look into his eyes.

“Ozzy. What are you doing here? Are you drunk? What’s the matter?” Fen asked all at once.

His eyes made contact with hers and she shuddered at the emptiness in them. Something wasn’t right. Oz attempted what looked like a smile before he slurred out half-coherent words.

“Ma Fen…ma…you live…you’re – “ was all he managed to sputter out before he was down.

He fell into Fen and the surprise of it caused her to fall with him. As she wriggled her way out from under him she felt it. Warm, wet, and sticky – she pulled her hand out from his coat and stared in horror at the blood that coated her hand.

“Fenhedis Oz! What happened? Where is it coming from?” Fen screamed frantically as she began to tear his coat off. 

He didn’t answer her, he couldn’t, Oz was out cold. Fen didn’t check for a pulse, she didn’t want to. If he was dead, _if Oz dies…_ she didn’t want to finish that thought. Throwing the jacket to the side she could see it clearly, a large gash painted his back; ripping his shirt and running from the top of his shoulder to the underside of his ribs. It was clear why he was so out of it, this cut was not fresh, and it was not clean. Fen could not fight the panicked tears as she absentmindedly held a bloodied hand to her face.

“Oh Oz, no, no ,no” She murmured and began to summon healing magic when a hand from behind grabbed her wrist. 

Fen whipped around with fire in her eyes; ready to take down anyone who would dare stop her. The fire died when she saw the hand that held her was Solas’ and the sympathetic look in his eyes told her to listen.

“Fen I do not believe this is the best place for this. We need to get him somewhere warm, and clean. Now.” Solas said calmly, carefully, making sure she understood every word in her grief.

Though it took a few moments to click, she agreed, and with a weak nod she let him know she understood. Solas stood straight and began barking orders at the guards to carry Oswin to his cabin Fen stood as well and they began to carry him off, the sight of it making her body stiffen. It looked they were hauling a dead body. The horror that overtook her made it impossible to move. It was only when Solas gingerly wrapped an arm around her, and began to nudge her forward that she moved. When they reached the cabin the soldiers were waiting outside with Oz in their arms. Solas let his arms drop from Fen’s side and swung the door open; entering the cabin and moving a table to the center of the room. Watching Solas act so quickly was a relief, and Fen made a mental note to thank him later. She had a feeling if she was alone she wouldn’t have handled the soldiers as well as he did.

The guards laid Oz down carefully on his stomach before Solas shooed them out, claiming there was no room for the extra bodies. Seeing the vacant look on Oz’s face was enough to shake Fen out of her shock; she rolled up her sleeves and make her way over to the table. Taking the knife she kept attached to her thigh, she reached up and split his shirt in two – gingerly peeling it away from the blood it had begun to stick to. Now that she had the light and a clear head to see his wound better she felt sick, and the heaving in her stomach was quickly overcoming her last bit of self-composure.

Taking a deep breath she summoned the healing magic to her hands again. For a second time Solas grabbed her wrists to stop her. Fen could not fight the fury in her eyes or the growl that came from her throat as she looked at Solas like a woman turned wolf. She realized he was trying to help, but this was not the time to play the ‘I’m the better healer’ game. Still he held onto her wrists and looked into her eyes as he explained himself.

“Fen listen to me, healing with magic alone will not help. This wound is infected. The magic will not clean it, merely close it. You would be trapping the infection inside where it could not be reached. You will kill him.” Solas explained with not a hint of anything but sympathy in his voice. 

He understood her pain, and he was willing to endure her rage to make her see sense. Though he didn’t need to. Fen understood immediately; realizing the mistake almost made in her haste to see the situation resolved. Instead of coming up with something to say she made her way around the room to gather the materials needed to clean the wound while Solas helped. When they came back to the table Solas was heating a waterskin he filled with saline solution. Fen took the job of carefully wiping away the harder debris while Solas flushed the rest away with the salt water. They labored over the cut until Fen gave the final okay that it was clean enough. She would not allow herself to close the wound until the only flesh left in sight was pink and healthy. Fen began to summon healing magic to her hands once again, looking to Solas for the nod of approval before she worked her magic into the gash on his back.

Solas moved to a different table to crush herbs together, his deft hands working the leaves over carefully. Fen grimaced when she looked back down at Oz and realized this was going to leave a nasty scar. _Poor Oz,_ she thought, _had she gotten to this sooner, had he made it to her sooner…_ she couldn’t finish the thought. 

Solas made his way over to her and she couldn’t ignore the look of concern on his face as he watched her struggle with maintaining her spell. Healing magic wasn’t her strongest talent, but she felt responsible for this and she would drain all her mana to fix it if that’s what it took. Solas, who must have recognized this desperation, gently pushed her hands out of the way and replaced them with his own. She looked up to protest but he didn’t give her a chance before he began healing the last parts of the wound.

Feeling useless Fen stepped backwards until her bottom bumped into a desk. Now that her hands weren’t busy, she had nothing to do but dwell on the situation. She couldn’t help the sound of pain that came from her mouth as she sunk down to bury her head in her knees, ignoring the look Solas gave at her sudden outburst. She had never broken down around someone before, even Oz, but she blamed herself for this. Had she gotten him sooner none of this would’ve happened. Had she just taken him with her like she should’ve, none of this would have happened. If she had sent word that she was alive, none of this would’ve happened. Fen felt reckless, and stupid, and so, so guilty. Oswin would never forgive her for this, and she didn’t blame him. He thought she was dead, that was clear enough in the surprise in his voice as he saw her standing, and alive. Oswin had been injured, and ignored his own personal health to make it here, to her. Lost in her fit of sorrow, it took her longer than was polite to notice Solas standing in front of her. It was only when he gave up on her taking notice and crouched down to her level, that she finally looked up from her knees. Solas sighed, looking like he was trying to find the right words to say.

“He will live lethallan, it will be okay” Solas said with a small frown.

“Thank you for helping, Solas, I don’t know how to show you how grateful I am.” Fen said, reaching up to straighten her hair. “This is all my fault” she said.

“It is not your fault Fenin’lin. You were placed in a circumstance you could not predict. There is no way you could’ve known or been there to help. Until now.” Solas said in a comforting tone.

Fen didn’t have anything to say to such kind words. It felt like her fault, no matter the circumstances. So she opted to throw him a weak smile and hope he got the point.  
After some time had passed Oswin began to make meek whining noises, which Fen discounted as dreaming at first. To her dismay they did not stop, and she realized they were the only cries of pain his weakened body could manage. Solas stood and made his way to the herbs he had crushed earlier.

“Fen? Can you sit him up please? He needs to eat these and I am afraid he will choke” Solas explained holding a small clay bowl of crushed herbs in his hand.

Fen stood and gingerly began to help Oz roll over and sit up. He winced at the pain and was barely able to open his eyes, but at least he seemed to register what she was trying to do. When he was finally sitting Fen let go of his shoulders – only to grab them in a flurry when he started to fall over.

“He’s really out of it” Fen said as she pulled the loose fringe of hair from his eyes and steadied his shoulders. 

Oswin perked up at Fen’s voice and looked over at her with a weak smile.

“I thought you were dead” He said, it was the first coherent sentence he’s managed since they found him.

“I’m here Oz, I’m alive, and you’re alive” Fen said trying to shush him before he got too riled up. 

Fen reached out, taking the clay bowl Solas held out to her. She gave him a questioning look.

“He needs to eat those” Solas said.

She looked down at Oz, who was half in this world, and half in the fade. There was no way he was going to eat this on his own. Realizing she’d have to feed him she looked back up at Solas.

“What? No Spoon?” Fen asked, half serious. 

Solas threw fen a look that told her no, there would be no spoons in this situation. _Great._ She sighed dramatically as she scooped a healthy dose of herbs out of the bowl with her fingers.

“There is elfroot to help with the pain. Along with lotus root and crystal grace to guard against infection. Though, if you think he is out of it now, the lotus root will only worsen his state” Solas explained as he watched Fen grab Oz’s chin; and begin to feed him chunks of the paste.

Oz immediately tried to spit the majority of it up.

“Ugh that is just…ugh” was Ozzy’s eloquent response. Fen sighed and dropped her face in her hands, realizing too late that she just smothered a mixture of herb paste and Oz spit on her forehead.

Newly frustrated, and in desperate need of a face cloth – Fen grabbed his chin again and looked into his eyes.

“Oswin I don’t care how it tastes, you’re going to eat this or so help me” Fen demanded holding another chunk of the mixture to his mouth. He returned the gesture with a dirty look, but opened his mouth to take another bite.

As they sat there emptying the bowl, Oz slowly gained enough strength to sit on his own. She set the bowl down and stretched her back from hunching over him for the last twenty minutes. Looking up she saw Solas was staring at her with an amused look. She put a hand on her hip and returned his amused stare with a curious one.

“What? What is that look for?” Fen asked.

“No reason lethallan, it is just refreshing to see someone care for another without thought to themselves” He said with a look Fen could’ve swore was admiration.

She cleared her throat and looked down at Oswin before she could say anything too foolish. When Oz looked up at her with hazy eyes she realized the effects of the blood lotus were beginning to take hold.

“Fe…Fen you know that I came…I came soooo farr. I thought you were – I thought you were dead. I was gonna bury you Fen…I thought I was gonna die too…I’m sorry I thought” Oswin said through slurred tongues and half-baked hand gestures.

Fen was stunned, watching Oswin in silence as he switched from such a serious subject to staring at his hand in wonder. She looked at Solas who was suddenly very interested in the painting on the wall, and decided it was time to get out of there. The more Oswin shared the worse she felt.

“I uh – I better get him some rest” Fen said as she made her way around the table to help Oz stand. She would bring him back to her cabin and put him to bed. At least if he felt the need to ramble throughout the night she would be the only one to hear it. Oswin let out a peal of laughter as she slid her arm around his waist.

“Fen! That Tickles!” he spit out through drugged laughter. 

Fen gave a not-so-amused hum before she hoisted him up.

“I’m sure it does Ozzy, we have to move though so you have to help me help you” She said as they made their way to the door.

Solas held out a hand to stop them “Fen wait one moment” he said making his way to an old dresser.

She stopped and turned to face him as best she could with Oswin clinging to her shoulders. He came back with a small pile of clothes, handing them to her.

“His shirt was destroyed, I doubt he’d be very comfortable in this cold without one” Solas explained.

Fen sighed, she’d never be able to repay all this kindness. 

“Thank you, so much, Solas.” A thanks was the best she could do for now. She turned and opened the door; ducking out with Oswin rambling incoherently over her shoulders.

Somehow they managed to make it all the way across the village to her cabin without falling. Fen silently thanked Mythal when she opened the door and brought Oz inside. Setting him down in the desk chair, she made sure he was able to sit on his own before she made her way to the bed to adjust the blankets.  
Turning back around she looked him over again and sighed. _Creators he’s filthy,_ she thought, there’s no way he’s sleeping in her clean blankets like that. The last thing she wanted to do was bathe a drugged, incoherent, and injured man. Oswin looked up at her, giving her a lopsided grin and pushing the hair from his face.

“What’re you – why are you looking at me so angry?” Oz asked.

Fen sighed and leaned over the fire to heat up a pot of water before looking for some clean rags.

“You’re filthy Oswin, you can’t lay in my bed like that” Fen replied and began rummaging through a cabinet for her citrus oils. 

Oswin made a sound she could only describe as akin to a strangled horse; she was pretty sure it was supposed to be a laugh. She gave an excited ‘hah’ when she found the vial she was looking for and turned to pour some into the pot of now hot water. When she turned she saw Oswin had half struggled out of his pants, and sat with an uncharacteristically pouty face as he sat there tangled in his own clothes.

“I can’t…they wont come off!” he said with a defeated tone. 

Fen’s eyes could’ve gotten lost in the back of her skull with the eye-roll she gave in reply, and made her way over to help him out.

“You are so out of it, if you could see yourself right now” Fen said, helping him wriggle his legs out of his pants.

“I see you” Oz said.

The clarity in which he spoke made Fen look up in surprise. He was staring at her, and though the haze from the lotus was clear in his eyes, she could tell he meant those words to carry weight. She looked back down from his gaze and wet a fresh cloth in the scented water. Reaching over she handed him the cloth, hoping that he’d be sober enough to wash himself. Though it seemed it was a false hope as she watched him slap the wet rag down on his thigh, then cringe.

Leaning over she took the rag from his hands and started to wipe the dirt away. Had she not felt so guilty for his current state she would be teasing him, she would’ve never let him live this down. Looking up she watched him close his eyes and lay his head back as she made her way down his leg to his feet.

“You’re enjoying this far too much Oswin” Fen exclaimed as she finished with one foot and switched to the other.

“Mmmhmm” Was his _smartass_ reply before Fen stood and wiped his face with a little too much gusto. 

“Whoops” Fen said with a smirk, making her way down his neck and shoulders before finishing with his back. 

Pleased with her work she threw the rag haphazardly back into the pot before leaning down to help Oswin stand. He snorted when she mumbled something about him smelling good and when she tried to sit him down on the bed he opted to fall into it instead – taking her with him. He laughed as she fought to untangle their limbs and before she could stand he reached over and pulled her back down beside him.

“Oz! Stop you big lout I’ve got to wash my face. Your _spit_ is all over it.” Fen said smacking him in the shoulder.

The giggles subsided as he let her stand and pulled the covers up over himself. She felt his eyes on her when she picked the rag back up and gave herself a quick once over. Fen wondered how much of this he’d remember in the morning. Would he wake up with a healed wound in her bed and wonder how the hell he got there? Fen looked over at her now wet chair with chagrin – she knew she’d have to tough out sleeping on it for a night while he got the rest he deserved. There was no way she was going to subject him to her fitful sleep while he was in the state he was. Before she could sit on down in the chair Oz reached out to her.

“Nooo, no, no, Fen don’t make me be here by myself” Oswin pleaded.

Fen rolled her eyes before defiantly plopping down into her chair.

“I’m not going anywhere” Fen said, trying to find a comfortable way to lay her head back.

“Please come here” He asked and Fen was again taken aback at the sobriety in his voice.

She threw her hands in the air, effectively giving up and making her way over to the bed; she would stay until he fell asleep at least. Taking in the sweet smell of citrus, she smiled as she lifted the blankets, and scooted in next to Oswin. Feeling Oswin’s eyes on her, she turned to see the unreadable look that painted his face.

“I really thought you were dead Fen” Oz said with a sadness in his eyes. 

It made her want to cry, as if she could feel any worse. Though before she could reply he leaned over and laid his head down on her chest. She held her arms up not sure how to react before sighing and giving in – laying her arms around him and resting her head on the pillows. They lay there for a while without a word and Fen was sure he had fallen asleep; she moved to untangle him and go back to her chair before he tightened his arms around her.

“Never again” he said and her heart almost broke in two at the stutter in his words.

There was no way she was going to move now, and the reply she might have had was gone along with her will to leave. Instead she laid her head back down and counted his breaths until they became even, and his arms went slack. When sleep finally came for her she did not fight it, and could only be thankful that Oz was here, and alive. In her last seconds of consciousness she smiled at the fact that at least his warmth would keep the cold from waking her again.


End file.
